Starting Over
by Butterfly Yuna
Summary: Sakura and Sasuke had it all - love, a beautiful home, two wonderful children. But memories of her troubled childhood would not stay in the past. she found herself recklessly jeopardizing the one thing she valued the most - her marriage.
1. Chapter 1

_**STARTING OVER**_

_**Summary: Sakura and Sasuke had it all – love, a beautiful home, two wonderful children. But memories of her troubled childhood would not stay in the past. She found herself recklessly jeopardizing the one thing she valued most – her marriage.**_

_**Disclaimer: You all know that I don't own Naruto and I don't think I own any of these characters. **_

_**Chapter One**_

"HAVE YOU ANY idea just how long it is since we last have sex?" Sasuke knew the moment the words were spoken that they were the wrong ones, not just for Sakura's own mood but as an expression of what he himself was truly feeling, but it was too late to recall them. He could see that from Sakura's expression.

"Sex! Sex! Is that all you can think about?" she demanded furiously.

"We're married. We're supposed to have sex," Sasuke told her recklessly, his own anger and sense of ill-usage picking up from hers as he compounded his original folly.

"We're supposed to do an awful lot of things," Sakura couldn't resist pointing out sharply. "Yesterday for instance you were supposed to take the girls out to the park, but instead you were playing golf with your brother."

"Oh, I see, so that's what all this is about is it?" Sasuke challenged her. "No sex, because yesterday I was out having a bit of R and R with my brother."

"Your half-brother actually," Sakura corrected coldly.

Her heart was thudding frantically fast, trying to push ita way through her ribs, her skin. She felt sick, breathless, overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of her own emotions and the effort it was taking for her to control them.

Any minute now, she would start breaking out in a sweat and then…then… But no she wasn't going to allow herself to feel sick never mind to be sick; doing that brought her far too close to shadow of her own mother and the neuroses that drove her. The perpetual cycle of binging and then purging which had dominated her life and the lives of those around her.

They had been in the States for a number of weeks, initially to attend the wedding of one of Sasuke's half- brothers, but also so that Sasuke could spend some time with his large family and introduce his wife and their daughters to them.

Sakura had never wanted to attend the wedding in the first place; right now she was so busy at work that taking a few days off never mind a few weeks made her feel sick with anxiety, and she and Sasuke had quarreled bitterly over her refusal.

The fact she had at very last moment changed her mind, was not out of a desire to please Sasuke, but because of her point-blank refusal to joint the rest of her family in welcoming her father, Hayate, back to his home town. Her total boycott of the family celebration, not just of his return, but also of his marriage to Yuki, had caused the existing rift between Sasuke and herself to deepen into a very dangerous hostile resentment.

Why had she ever deceived herself into thinking that Sasuke was different, she asked herself bitterly now. That he would put her first? He was just like all the others, just like everyone else in her life. Oh, they might pretend they loved her; that she mattered to them, but the truth was…the truth was…

She close her eyes shivering despite the warmth of their hotel room. The pressure inside her skull increased as she fought not to remember the expression in her uncle Kakashi's eyes when he had talked about his twin brother…her father… How could he possibly still love him like that after what her father had done?

Some days ago Kakashi had telephoned her urging her to return home so that she could attend the party being thrown at Fitzburgh Place to celebrate her father's marriage to Lord Astlegh's cousin Yuki, but Sakura had refused.

Sakura couldn't explain to herself or even begin to unravel the complex twisting and contorting of emotions which were causing the increasingly hard to emotions which were causing the increasingly hard to control surges of panic she was experiencing. The knife sharp fear. The horrifying sense of dislocation, of distance from the rest of the human race.

Sasuke was getting out of the bed now, his face tight with anger. Had she really once believed she loved him? It seemed extraordinary to her that she could have done. Blank numbness filled her now whenever she tried to recall the feeling she had once had.

"Naruto has invite us to join his family at the cabin in Colorado. We can ski and-"

"No." Sakura refused without allowing Sasuke to finshed.

As she watched her husband Sakura was filled with a sense of despair and hopelessness. The love which had once tied them together and created their two daughters had gone. They were strangers that Sasuke couldn't even seem to appreciate the kind of back-log of work she was going to have to face once they returned, as it was.

The tension in her head reached a screaming crescendo. All her life she had had to fight against the opposition of her grandfather to her desire to follow in the family tradition and qualify as a solicitor. How he would enjoy crowing over her now if she failed.

"I have to go home. My work…"

"Your work. What about our marriage?"

Their marriage, Distantly Sakura looked at him.

"We don't have a marriage any more, Sasuke," she told him. The sense of relief that filled her as she spoke was so intoxicating that it was almost as heady as drinking champagne. She could feel her spirit lightening, the tension leaving her body.

"What…... what the hell are you saying?" she could hear Sasuke demanding but she was already turning away from him, her decision made.

"I think we should separate," she heard herself telling him.

"Separate…..?"

TO BE CONTINUE.

_**So…how was the story so far, I hope you've enjoyed reading it and in case if you haven't then please tell meh so that I could make it more intresting for you guys to read. **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A\N: Firstly thank you guys for giving such a wonderful reviews in this story as well as the other stories that I have written coz really I never even thought that I'll be getting one, so thank you again.**_

_**Anyways this chapter is kind of short as compared to the last chapter but I hope you guys will enjoy to your fullest.**_

_**Disclaimer: You all know that I don't and never will own Naruto, so on with the story already!**_

_**Chapter Two**_

"Separate…?"

She discovered she was holding her breath as she detected the shock in his voice as though she were waiting…but waiting for what?

"Yes", she continued calmly. "We will have to do everything properly, of course…legally…"

"Of course that would be the first thing you would think about – as a Haruno", Sasuke told bitterly.

Sakura looked away from him.

"You've always resented that, haven't you?" she demanded quietly.

"What I've resented, Sakura is the fact that this marriage of ours has never contained just the two of us."

"You wanted children as much as I did," Sakura retorted, stung by the unfairness of his accusation.

"It isn't the girls I'm talking about," Sasuke snapped.

"Its your damned family. You're like a little girl, Sakura, living in the past, clinging to it."

"That's not true." Her face had gone paper-white.

"Who's the one who's supported us….who's-"

"I'm tired of having to carry the can for other people's imagined sins against you, Sakura. I'm tired of being held responsible for them just because I'm a man like your father and your grandfather and Kakashi. I'm tired of having to carry all that emotional baggage you insist on dragging around…that "I'M A VICTIM" attitude of yours."

"How dare you say that?"

"I dare because it's true," Sasuke told her coldly.

"But as of now I'm through with playing surrogate grandfather, father and uncle to you, Sakura…..and I'm sure as hell tired playing surrogate punch ball. It's time I got something out of life, wrote that book I've been promising myself, got that Harley and rode around this country…chilled out and lived…."

Sakura stared at him as though he were a stranger. This wasn't the Sasuke she had known sp well, this selfish insensitive stranger with his adolescent fantasies and his total lack of regard for the needs of either his children or her.

"I can't imagine why I ever thought I loved you, Sasuke," she told him, her throat raw. "Or why I married you," she added as she wondered if he could hear the sound of her dreams, her ideals, her love, splintering around them into a million tiny painful shards.

"No? Then you've got one hell of a short memory. You married me because you wanted to escape from your childhood," Sasuke told her.

Her childhood. As he strode out of the room Sakura closed her eyes, her body tight with tension.

There was a bitter taste in her mouth. She had never really _had_ a childhood. Sometimes she felt she had almost been born knowing that she wasn't the child-the son-her father, and more importantly her grandfather, had wanted.

Because of them Sakura had grown up determined to prove herself, to prove her wroth….her value. Because of them she had pushed herself these last months to meet self-imposed work targets that increasingly made her feel as though she were walking a tightrope stretched across a sickeningly deep chasm. All it would take to send her crashing down would be one wrong step…one missed breath…but she had had to do it. Not just for her own sake but even more importantly for her daughters. There was no way she was going to have _them _growing up under the burden, the taint of being her father's grandchildren. Ever since Ukitake had disappeared and the truth about him had come to light, Sakura had been haunted by what he had done, haunted by it….shamed by it…tormented by it.

And now he was back and instead of being shunned as he rightly deserved he was being feted, lauded, whilst _she_….

The pain inside her head intensified and with it her panic and despair.

She would be better once she was back home she promised herself, once she was back at work. Back in control…

TO BE CONTIUNE

_**So incase, if you guys are wondering who Ukitake is? Well in this story, I decided to make Ukitake Sakura's father alright. And please…..give me some reviews.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: So here is the next chapter of the story and I hope you guys would enjoy reading this.**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Ino, Shikamaru's wife, was the first member of the family to hear Sakura's news. She had called at the house knowing that Sakura, Sasuke and the girls would have arrived home, eager to learn all about their trip and to see if there was any shopping she could get for Sakura whilst she did her own.

"Mummy's upstairs," Aiko informed Ino as she knocked on the kitchen door and then walked in.

"Yes, she's packing Daddy's things," Yui said innocently.

"Dad's staying in philly…..in America…." Aiko supplied and both of them stood and looked at her with such grave-eyed sadness that Ino ached to sweep them up into her arms and hold them tight.

"Sakura," she called out from the bottom of the stairs, "It's me Ino. Can I come up?"

When Sakura appeared on the landing Ino saw from her expression that she hadn't been able to conceal the shock the sight of Skura had caused her. She had lost weight and her skin looked grey, lifeless, like her eyes. She looked…..she looked….Ino swallowed painfully. Now it was Skura herself she wanted to hold and comfort.

"The girls have told you, have they?" Sakura guessed tiredly.

"They said something about Sasuke staying on in Philadelphia," Ino agreed awkwardly.

"You'd better come up," Sakura said. "Sasuke and I are separating," she informed her when Ino got to the top of the stairs. "It's for the best, for all of us. Things haven't been good between us for a long time and..he isn't the man I married, Ino….and I.." Sakura's voice thickened and Ino could see the tears standing out in her eyes as sharp as broken glass.

"No," Sakura denied as Io reached out towards her. "No. Don't sympathise with me…I don't need it….I'm not sorry. I'm glad. Our marriage just wasn't working," she told the other women tensely. "I think once he got over his initial shock of hearing that I wanted to end it, Sasuke was actually relieved."

As she heard the pain in her own voice Sakura started to frown. Why should she feel pain? She didn't love Sasuke any more. It was relief not to have him standing at her shoulder complaining that she spent far too much time at work and far too little with him and the girls. It was a relief, too, to only have her relationship with them to worry about. Now that her father had come back people would be watching her even more closely, waiting to see her fail…fail….

"I know sometimes things happen between a couple that can be very aggravating, small issues really but like a stone in a shoe they can-"Ino was saying quietly.

"Small issues?" Sakura interrupted her with a bitter laugh. "This isn't about small issues, Ino. The last time Sasuke and I had sex was month ago….."

For a moment Ino thought that Sakura was complaining that Sasuke would not have Sex with her but then Sakura complaining angrily, "I just didn't….just couldn't…" Ino realized her mistake.

"Sasuke seemed to think I was just being bloody-minded….just withholding myself from him to score points. That's how far apart we've grown," Sakura burst out. She had started to tremble visibly, her hands rows about it. It was so destructive and damagind for the girls. I tried but Sasuke…"

"Did you think of trying counseling?" Ino asked her softly.

Sakura's pain and despair were almost a visible physical presence in the room with them. She was not normally such calm, containing sort of person, so controlled that Ino was shocked by the changing in her.

"Counseling!" Sakura gave a mirth bitter laugh. "You mean like my mother ough to have had? I'm sorry," she apologized to Ino. "I know…." She stopped speaking, pressing her hand against as thought she was trying to silence herself, Ino recognized compassionately.

"It's too late for that now," Sakura told her. "Our marriage is over,"

"What will Sasuke do?" Ino asked her.

"He's taking a sabbatical. He's had if approved by the university that he can take time out from lecturing. He says he's going to ride around America on a bike, a Harley-Davidson," Sakura told her derisively. "It's something he's wanted to do since he was a little boy."

To her own shock she suddenly discovered that she was crying without her knowing why.

"Oh, Saku,Saku," she heard Ino saying emotionally; but as Ino stepped towards her holding out her arms, Sakura backed away shaking her head.

There was so much she needed to do, so many arrangement she needed to make. She wanted to be in her office before eight when she started work on Monday. That would give her an extra hour to start going through the post that would be waiting for her and then, if home with her on Monday night, she could read it whilst the girls were in bed. At least now that she didn't have Sasuke to consider she would have more time in the evening to work.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Here is the other chapter of this story, hope you would love it….**_

_**Chapter Four**_

"SOMETHING'S WRONG," Ino told Shikamaru that evening after she had broken the news about Sakura to him.

"Of course something's wrong," he agreed dryly. "She's left Sasuke."

"No, I mean apart from that…something's wrong with Saku," Ino persisted. "She was…..different somehow…."

"She's upset. That's only natural."

Ino sighed under her breath. Much as she loved her husband there were times when they just weren't on the same wavelength. Another woman would have understood immediately what she meant.

"I wonder if Shizune knows yet." Ino said. "She must do, surely. She and Sakura have always been so close."

Shizune was Kakashi's wife and she had acted as surrogate mother for Sakura through all her difficult childhood. Sakura was now a partner in the family legal practice of which Kakashi was the head.

Quickly Ino reached for the phone and dialed Shizune's number.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Kakashi asked Shizune when she walked into the study looking worried.

"Ino's just been on the phone. She went over to see Sakura this afternoon. I would have gone myself but I had a Mums and Babes committee meeting. Sakura and Sasuke have separated. Sakura's come home without him."

"What!"

Kakashi's reaction mirrored Shizune's own shock. He started to shake his head.

"I thought they were so happy."

"They were," Shizune agreed, "Untill Ukitake came home…." Try as she might she could not keep the accusatory note out of her voice.

She could see from Kakashi's face that her words had upset him and she knew, too, that they were unjustified and unfair but she couldn't make herself call them back.

Kakashi had changed since his brother's return. He seemed almost too live, breathe and think Ukitake these days. So much so that she felt that she was being shut out, excluded almost from his life, which was ridiculous, of course? Thay had been married for over fifteen years and these last years of marriage had brought them very close, brought a new depth to their marriage….their love….. These last years without Ukitake.

But now Ukitake was back and Kakashi wasn't exclusively here any longer. It was Ukitake this and Ukitake that. Shizune could see his love for his brother in his eyes; hear it in his voice, every time he spoke his name.

"Ukitake isn't responsible for the breakdown of Sakura's marriage. He can't possibly be," Kakashi objected.

"Maybe not," Shizune was forced to concede. "But he is responsible for what Sajura is, Kakashi….you've said so yourself often enough."

"Sakura didn't have a very happy childhood," Kakashi agreed. "But that wasn't jut down to Ukitake…"

Shizune gave a small sigh.

"Before Ukitake come home you said yourself that you were concerned about her, that you felt she was working too hard."

"Yes. She was…..is," Kakashi acknowledged.

It had disturbed him to discover in her absence just how much extra work Sakura had taken on and quite unnecessarily. Had she said that she needed help, Kakashi would have seen to it she got some. But she had insisted that she did not, becoming almost angrily defensive. With that kind of workload it was no wonder her marriage was under stress. The locum he had hired to cover the period she was away had not come anywhere near being able to cope and Kakashi and had to take on some of the extra workload himself and share the rest between Genma and Gai who were his partners.

TO BE CONTINUED

_**Incase, if you guys are wondering who Ukitake is then let me remind you again, he is Sakura's father and Kakashi's brother…..**_


End file.
